Where can I get the baby items I need?
Again, your pregnancy counselor, or a crisis pregnancy center, is a great resource to make connections. You could get into parenting classes, apply for public assistance for medical and financial needs and find out about churches and community agencies that help single mothers with needed baby items.
How do I get support from the birth father?
The birth father is legally responsible to financially support your child. Work with him to set up support payments. If he will not cooperate, most states have a child support enforcement agency that can withold money from his paycheck if need be.
If these plans do not work, you need to come up with a way to support the baby on your own. Remember that in custody and visitation rights, the courts look at the parent's record of support when making decisions.
Does the birth father have any rights?
Your baby deserves the best situation possible, so try to work with the birth father to determine rights and responsibilities. If the father has signed a notarized paternity affidavit, he has legal rights including visitation and the right to voice his opinion in the baby's medical decisions. If the father is not cooperating, in some states you needn't include the father's name on the birth certificate if you don't want to. Check with your pregnancy counselor, an attorney or the Department of Social Services to learn more about the father's rights and responsibilities.
How do I get job training? I don't want to be on welfare.
With determination and job training you can make a better life for you and your baby. Look into the JOBS program which offers assistance with tuition and childcare, as well as educational grants and loans to help while you work your way through school. Ask your counselor to help you.
Will they make me quit school?
Most schools know how important it is for you to complete your education. Look into special educational programs that offer night classes, loans, child care and sometimes transportation. Or, just take some time off to adjust to single parenting, but continue to work on your educational goals. No one will force you to quit school.
Can I still date?
Life is certainly different now that you are responsible for more than just you. Your baby will take a lot of your time and attention and some potential dates may not want to take a back seat to your child. Realize that some guys will ask you out only because they think you're easy. Before you allow yourself to become involved seriously, think ahead how the relationship will effect your child. Remember you need to have fun times, too, so you don't resent your child.
How do I explain why there is no father in our home?
You have a fine line to walk. Although you may be upset or resentful to the birth father you need to be positive about him without being dishonest. He is still your child's father. Never tell your child that his father is in the army, or was killed in a car accident unless that is exactly what has happened. Your child could have a sense of loss with the father missing, so other male role models could fill his life. Be sure to surround your child with loving adults so he or she will learn to relate well to others as an adult.
What about the grandparents?
States vary on the grandparents' custody and visitation rights. The birth parents are the only ones with legal rights and responsibilities, but grandparents are very important in a child's life. Be sensitive to their relationship with your child. Grandparents can be helpful, but be sure to establish your independence if you can. If you live with your parents, understand that they have the right to make rules for you.
If I can't handle parenting, can I still choose adoption?
Don't feel like you're a bad parent if you have these thoughts. Parenting is difficult and especially so when you are on your own. You may have formed a bond with your child that will be difficult to sever. Look to a wise and trusted counselor to help you through this situation. Look for an agency that can help you continue parenting, and if you decide it's best, help you make an adoption plan that you can live with.
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